Mike Case Study: Psychology

Mike is an Asian American gay father. He decided to “come out” to his parents when he was 18 years old.
1. When did you know you were gay and when did you decide to “come out” to your parents? How did you decide to do it and what did you say? I knew I was attracted to members of the same sex from very early. My earliest erotic and romantic memories were always oriented towards males. I knew I was gay before I knew what the word “gay” meant. By the time I was in middle school it was very clear to me that I was attracted to guys. I felt really bad about that through middle school until near the end of eighth grade. Then I realized that who I was wasn’t something I could change and I began to think that being gay wasn’t something I wanted to change even if I could. I went to high school knowing I was gay and thinking of myself as biding my time until college when I could come out, have relationships and finally have sex. I was afraid that if my parents found out about my sexual orientation they would throw me out of the house. In retrospect those fears were completely unfounded, but I was very worried about that possible outcome at the time. I finally came out to my parents during the first semester of college when I was 18 and living away from home. I came out to my brother first – that did not go well. He was very insecure and four years younger, and I came out to him in anger. He had made a homophobic comment while we were watching TV together so I retaliated by telling him that he was talking about me even though he didn’t know he was. I made him promise not to tell my parents until I did.
A few months later I came out to my mom. I came out expecting for her to have a negative reaction, so I more or less apologized about disappointing her. I remember her saying something to the effect of “Who are you? I don’t know who you are anymore.” I also remember her saying that it would have been easier if I had cancer since that at least she could understand. Relations between us were very cool for about a year after that. I never officially came out to my dad since my mom told him. She asked me NOT to tell him as she wanted to do that first. I think she was worried that he might react very poorly. (Spoiler alert! My parents and I have a great relationship today. I have two kids and a husband who my parents adore. My dad is a wonderful grandfather to my children. We are all very close now.)
2. How did his parents respond? My dad blamed my mom – he was always a momma’s boy, you ruined him, etc. My dad slowly came around and my mom came around a lot sooner. By sophomore year of college my mom and I had gotten over the initial rough coming out and were again close. My dad and I were never emotionally close. He is VERY difficult to talk to about feelings and love and almost anything else that is outside of his ken. Both of my parents, even when they became comfortable with my sexual orientation insisted that I not come out to the extended family. That remained true until my late 20s/early 30s when I started planning in earnest to have kids. I made sure that my mom understood that my children were not to be some shameful secret. I even threatened to cut ties if necessary (is was not necessary to cut ties and the threat of cutting ties was more heavy handed than I needed to be). My mom sought help and reached out to other people outside the family and she read some books. My dad, to my knowledge, never reached out to anyone and used my mom as his sole resource. Eventually he stopped blaming my mom for the fact that I was gay.
3. How did siblings respond? My younger sister took it reasonably well and was a bit confused at first. She was 10 when I came out. My brother said some nonsense about being the only one left to carry on the family name and blamed his promiscuity and poor taste in women on me. Eventually he dropped that nonsense and now we get along well enough.
4. What types of changes did the family have to make after finding out? I think my mom had to start being evasive about my personal life with her family for a while. She was uncomfortable with others knowing about me for a long time after she was comfortable herself. My dad kept on as he always had – very little sharing of personal feelings with anyone except my mom.
5. How did the family function after you came out? (same, higher, lower) We are at a much higher level of functioning now and that has been true for a long time now. Initially there was tension, but my parents have come light years from where they began 24 years ago.
6. Did he go to any community resources? I had a lot of support in college. I attended weekly meetings with other gay folks my age who were just coming out and I met lots of out, proud LBGT folks in college. The internet happened later so my support networks were more personal and local than perhaps is true for young people coming out today.
Mike’s Case Study Questions
Use the ABCX model to describe the stressor, family resources, and family perceptions as it relates to Mike’s mom, dad, and siblings?
Explain how Mike’s family went through the phase of disorganization?
During the recovery phase, what were some examples of unhealthy adaptions?
During the recovery phase, what were some examples of healthy adaptions?3.
What led the family to reorganization? And at what level?

Calculate your paper price
Pages (550 words)
Approximate price: -