First, download and open the feedback you received from your instructor on your draft review in Moodle.
Second, read the feedback carefully. Ask your instructor for clarification if there is anything you do not completely understand.
Third, if your instructor has listed particular grammar issues you need to work on, do a Google search to find out how to correct the issue in your writing moving forward.
Assignment 1: Write a revision plan in two paragraphs in a Word document, following the structure of the below example. Be sure to address each point in your instructor’s feedback.
Revision Plan: Substantive Issues
1. Rewrite my thesis statement to improve it for clarity and consistency.
2. Add another support paragraph to my evaluation section.
3. Rework my paragraph structure so that each body paragraph has a topic sentence, a concluding sentence, and a transition.
Revision Plan: Stylistic Issues
1. Edit my essay for concision and word choice. Rephrase passages to avoid confusion and to be as clear and direct as possible.
2. Edit verb tense errors.
3. Correct spelling mistakes and typos.
Assignment 2: Revise the review you wrote last week.
Activity 1: After completing your revision plan, complete your first round of revisions based on that plan and your instructor’s feedback from last week.
Activity 2: After completing your discussion for the week, consider your audience and do a second round of revisions based on improving your writing for that specific audience.
Activity 3: Do a final proofread for grammar, spelling, and formatting. Submit your final review and your revision plan to Moodle below.
REDO TASK 3 USING THIS INSTRUCTIONS AND FEEDBACK (TASK 3 THAT YOU DID IS ATTACHED)
Thanks for getting this in, Tuan.
Why have you continued to submit coursework without the required header at the top of the first page? You need to start taking notes during class.
As we have talked about in class and as I have reminded you in previous feedback, for all of your assignments, please take the time to provide a unique, exciting title — a creative one that speaks meaningfully and strategically for your thesis. By the way, what is your thesis? For that matter, “one of the restaurants near our home” and “one of the most famous restaurants around where we stay” are unhelpful. Notice that not only have you neglected to name the restaurant in a title, but you have failed to name it in your entire introductory paragraph — or even anywhere in your entire review. What value does a review of an unnamed restaurant offer? Please count the number of times you use the word “restaurant” in your introductory paragraph. In your revision, make an effort to use the word “restaurant” no more than three times in the introduction.
I see you’ve created a citation for your own opinion. Or is it Cutrara’s opinion? You have inserted what appear to be citations yet which have no obvious function throughout your piece. No need for citations in this assignment. No need for a list of references. See my previous feedback to your journal workshop entry one.
You need to employ more effective vocabulary and vivid description. As you revise this for Task 4, you’ll notice plenty of opportunities to do this.
For example, rather than telling us that something is “delicious,” “delicious,” “so delicious,” (unsubstantiated claims), you can show us via dramatic action, expressive dialogue, vivid descriptions, or all three. When you declare that the view was beautiful, the sweets were excellent, or “My experience at the restaurant was fantastic,” the reader is intrigued but has to take your word for it because you don’t follow your assertion up with a description that would satisfy the expectations that you have created for the reader.
Notice that many of your sentences follow the same subject-verb-compliment pattern. Please vary your sentence types, lengths, and patterns to further engage the reading audience. Just as we strive to avoid the repetition of the same words over and over, and instead employ an array of synonyms to not bore the reader and get closer to describing what we’re talking about, we also want to compose sentences with a varied cadence and rhthym.
The objective is to deliver a secondary experience for the reader via a series of detailed sensory descriptions that convey the sights, sounds, scents, and flavors of the place in a way that invites the reader to imagine joining you at your table. You do this sometimes, and when you do, it works. Do it even more. Get specific. Name the ingredients and cooking method that is producing the mouth-watering aromas.
Sentence-level issues to locate and address include:
* shifts in verb tense
* punctuation of compound sentences
* overly repetitive sentence structure; use an array of patterns — mix it up
* overly repetitive word choice
* “I can recommend anyone” — are you recommending the people or the restaurant?
Try reading aloud and having a friend or family member read your work and suggest corrections before submitting as a proofreading sanity check.
Since you’ll be revising this to become Task 4, look for places where you might add additional observations and review components in order to flesh out the developmental paragraphs of support more fully, and consider other unexploreed options like tightening up the focus of your introduction through the use of a more dramatic scene description and even straight, chronological story-telling for the sake of improved organization of ideas. You may even find that representing moments of dialogue between characters in the story will deliver information in an authentic, interesting, and effective way for the reader.
You might also include specific information about typical pricing of entrees or a meal for two.
I look forward to reading an improved version of this as your task 4, anticipating incorporated the tips above.
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